Friday 17 May 2013

Hadhanah - Hak Penjagaan Anak-anak

Assalamualaikum,

Another part of my story that I haven't told you is about hak penjagaan anak-anak or also known as hadhanah.

I have 2 children both of them has passed the age of mumayyiz.  They are 12 and 14. According to Syariah Law and Undang-undang Keluarga Islam yang berkuatkuasa di Malaysia, a boy below the age of 7 years old and a girl below the age of 9 years old are to be under the care of the mother.  But my children has both exceed this age limit.  Therefore, according to the Syariah law being practised in our country, my children should make their decision on their own with whom they want to stay with.

I purposely filed for hadhanah because I want to give the opportunity to my children to make a decision with whom they want to stay with.  In addition, their decision will then be recorded accordingly in the court of law and no one can dispute this decision. Why do I do this?  Because I have no trust in my ex-husband at all.  He will manipulate even his children if he can - all to his benefit.  I am sure he assures himself that what he is doing is for the children's own good but knowing him for 15 years, I always doubt this.  I have seen evidence over and over again, all decision made is to his benefit or to fulfill his vengeance.  Mind you, I have to fork out more money to pay the lawyer to enable this opportunity to be given to my children.  Also, I want to show my children how their decision will affect their lives.  I know many adults who refused to make decision and just let the flow of life take them to whereever and I don't want this to happen to my children.

Surprisingly, my children decided that they want to stay with their father instead of me.  They went into a room with the lawyers (from my side and from his side) and the judge and they tell their decision without me or their father in the room.  That was the most hurtful moment in my life.  My ex-husband never helped me take care of my children.  He never get up at night when they cried. He never take them to the playground.  He never feed them.  It has always been me who tends to  everything my children's needs and wants. So to me the decision my children took is totally outrageous and resulted in me not talking to them for a few days.  I was too hurt and numb to do anything.

There's one good thing though, because my children has passed the age of mumayyiz, my ex-husband cannot do anything without their agreement.  I know my children wants to spent weekends with me so I pick them up every weekend and no one can stop my children because that is what they want although this really is not the agreed schedule as outlined in the hadhanah papers.  So now it is a routine, that I spend the weekend with my children. During weekdays we keep in touch with goodnight calls.  I think my current situation is not half as bad as i initially thought.  Thank you Allah.  I love You, Allah.