I started the process of asking for a divorce by getting a lawyer. I found a lawyer from the internet. At this time, I did not even tell my ex that I am filing for divorce. We have not had anything in common for such a long time. We were more like housemates than husband and wife. I always ensure that I am out of his way of his daily activities. But at this time I still do my duties in ensuring that he has his meals and his clothes are washed and ironed. What kind of housemates ensure she is out of the hair of the other housemates but at the same time prepares food on the table and clean up his clothes? We have not had a proper conversation for years. I have often wondered what kind of marriage that I was having as it brings me no happiness at all.
My ex doesn’t give me much freedom. He is always wanting to know where I am going and with whom. Mind you, he wants to know only. He has never provided me my daily expenses ever since we start this meaningless marriage. Anyway, going back to my story, I found a lawyer from the internet. I am not sure of the procedure to file for a divorce, hence I decided to get a lawyer that will do this for me. I was so glad that I found a lady lawyer initially.
We met for the first time before May 2011. I told her my story and she requested I brought along the below documents in the next meeting.
1. Sijil Nikah
2. Surat beranak 2 of my children
3. My photocopy IC
So the next meeting the above was copied and handed over to her. We then decided to meet the third time to read the “Wakalah”. This is done at the Pejabat agama. Reading out the “Wakalah” in front of a certified saksi from the Pejabat Agama. “Wakalah” is a contract between me and the lawyer whereby I am allowing the lawyer to file necessary divorce paper work or acting on my behalf in regards to the divorce I am seeking. At this point I need to pay RM1000 so that the lawyer will commence the necessary work.
My divorce follow Carta 11: Prosess Kes Permohonan Cerai (Tanpa Persetujuan Bersama) in the attached document.
Step A: Kaunter Mahkamah: my lawyer acting on my behalf to submit the Borang Permohonan Perceraian. She also pays the necessary fee on my behalf. At this point the lawyer knows the date and time for me and my ex to be at the mahkamah syariah (which is usually not more than 21 days from the date of the submission of the Borang Permohonan Perceraian). She communicated this date to me.
Step B: The Syariah court should inform and hand over the summon to my ex. Unfortunately, this never happens. I am not sure which of the process that fails to work here. My ex only knows that he needs to be at the Syariah Court after I sms him. By the time he reaches the court, the session is already over. So no “lafaz cerai” can take place on this date. My lawyer then arrange for a new date.
Step C & D: The second hearing happens. As usual, always check and confirm that your name is in the list for the date and time of the hearing. You can always ask the counter for this confirmation if need to but the list is usually pasted anyway at the papan kenyataan at the court. This time my ex refused to divorce me. After taking about a 30 minutes break, my lawyer suggested that we form Jawatankuasa Pendamai.
Step E: This time we went to the Syariah Court and we have to bring seorang wakil. I elected my eldest sister as orang tengah. My ex elected our friend, the Ustaz that taught our children Al-Quran. We inform the Court of our representative and obtained the Court’s permission for our wakil. At this time, I have paid another RM1000 to my lawyer.
Step F: We waited again (about 1.5 - 2 months of waiting) until we get the letter from Jawatankuasa Pendamai for the date to go for the proses perdamaian. Before we go for the discussion, my sister and I had a talk to discuss the reasons for why I am seeking for a divorce. So we went for the Jawatankuasa Pendamai discussion with my ex, his wakil and me, but I still refuse to get together. My sister had another session as she cannot make it for the first discussion.
Step G: Seorang kadi facilitates the Jawatankuasa Pendamai discussion. He concludes the discussion and created a report to be passed over to the Syariah Court. In his report, he will report whether a truce has been achieved. For my case I insist that I want to dissolve the marriage.
Step H: I went again to the Syariah Court to hear the result of the Jawatankuasa Pendamai. Unfortunately the report hasn’t reached the Syariah Court yet. I went to the court just to hear that the report has not been received. I was really mad as my time has been wasted to go to court just to hear no report has been received. Another date was set up so that the court can decide on the next course of action for my case. From the report of Jawatankuasa Pendamai, no agreement was achieved to keep my marriage between all parties. The Court then decided that my case will have to go through Proses Majlis Hakam. This is where I am in the process now. It took me 9 months to get to this stage of the process. By this time, I have lost confidence in my lawyer and decided to get another lawyer. This time I elected another lawyer. I got his name after asking around. His name is Ustaz Amir Nazli Hussin. I had to do another “Wakalah” and paid another RM1000 to Ustaz.
As of today, there have been two sessions in court. For both session, Ustaz Amir told me that I don’t have to come. I will need to attend the next one though. Pray for me…
hi.. i was wondering if u hv an email address i can contact u with.. i am somewhat in the same situation as u n was hoping u could share some experience w me.. thx
ReplyDeletesalam, thank you very much 4 ur info, it will be a great help 4 me who knw nthng abt divorce, n we had problem that was almost the same. i hope i can b as strong as u 2 go through dis situation. i'm collecting money now to appoint a lawyer n hope will find the most suitable one 4 me.
ReplyDeleteMind if I ask how are you getting on? Any progress?
ReplyDeleteHi, Im sorry you had to go through all that. I would really like to know how the proceding goes. I may have to go through the process myself but finds it hard to get information online. Thx for your time.
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry if I cannot answer most of your questions. I would like to remain anonymous. I do suggest for you to contact my lawyer - Ustaz Amir. His number is 019-3624835. Good luck. May Allah bless us and always protects us.
ReplyDeleteActually i feel same as you, being single mom is good for me. 11 year im maried with my hubby but i dont feel happy at all. He never give me nafkah , i try give him time but he always do same mistake fall in love with other women. When he broke and jobless he will love me back. But now my heart really broken n never forgive him again. I dun even think to love him like first time i love him. I dun trust him ever again. Now i dun feel to stay together after this. I have to plan first before i want cerai and searching rental house n second car n have stable monthly income. I hope i will brave like you, i need my freedoom back because i hate when somebody control my life. I will never ever kahwin again, just thinking about my future n my children after cerai. Tq for sharing this info.
ReplyDeletei have same situation as u...
Deletereally...
i want to cerai but i dont know how...
hi, we have same situation...I don't know where to start & ny husband also don't know im going to devorce
DeleteHi Anonymous, you are correct when you say that you need plans. If you have make up your mind that you being separated from your husband is the only way you can be happy, you must come up with a plan. I am local, so the first step when I do decide that I no longer wants to be part of that marriage, i left the house and stay with my mom for a few months until I managed to find a rented house. I had to left my children but I had plans to take them back. Unfortunately my children decided to continue on staying with my ex. Perhaps ader hikmah nya. I get to see my children every weekend now. My children are 15 and 13 so they are really big already and can make their own decision.
ReplyDeleteSo you are on the right step, make sure you plan and execute the plans accordingly. Trust me, however careful and detail you are with your plans, you will still have to go through some painful moments. Duit tak cukup is often the situation. Persevere. Sabar and doa banyak-bayak pada Allah supaya Allah permudahkan. Sembahyang and mengaji is where I got my strength from.
Good luck and God Bless you always. Take good care.
YellowRose, thanks for sharing. I am married for almost 6 year. We have no child. My problem is quite similar with yours, when there isnt anything common between me and my husband anymore. i feel unhappy with my marriage as he always neglect me including the nafkah aspect as well. I have always thought of getting a divorce but i do not think that it will be the best solution now as telling my family and his about our problem would definitely create chaotic situation. I just pray that someday, i will find my own happiness..amiin..thanx for reading this comment, i hope u will stay strong in crusading this path of your life..i always admire single women who fight for their rights..and may Allah be with u always..insya Allah..
ReplyDeleteThank you Anonymous for your support to me. Very much appreciated. I do wish happiness for you and for me.
ReplyDeleteI've had some tough times with my husband as well. Nafkah given represents about 10% / less of total household expenditure & he only started paying after 10 years of marriage. Not to mention how irresponsible he is with the kids. We hardly talk & have absolutely nothing in common. I'm worried that I will be derhaka to him via my words / actions and I think divorce is the best option . To all the ladies who have commented & are going through this pain , my prayers are for you. Hopefully we can weather this dugaan.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, the communication-less relationship was exactly what I had as well before. I decided to file for a divorce after observing my ex for about 2 years. I realised that he really doesn't have any pity and I totally doesn't feel the "love" which he keep claiming he has for me. We never celebrate wedding anniversaries and my birthday is celebrated only after i throw tantrums. I also realised that we have nothing in common. I disagree with his ideas and he disagrees with mine. I was loyal and obedient until I decided to exit from his house. After that only I start not to act like the prim and proper wife. My thought was as long as I was under his roof, I will obey but after I was out, I am no longer obligated to do so. Anyway, at the time when I decided to leave the house, that was actually 6 months after I have filed for divorce. He was so daft, he thinks I was joking when I file for divorce. Men, do they think we are stupid and not serious when we have make-up our minds?
Deletehi dear... I m planning to get a divorce from my husband, n found yr blog. tq so much. just I m stil think of way to get enough money coz I m ful time house wife with 2 kids, 4yrs. marriage for 7ys. really not happy, coz I m like org gaji to my husband. he wil out of the house 7 days a week, every day spend time outside... uhhhh. but worse, I m a muallaf.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, I am so sorry to hear how your husband treats you even more so because you are a muallaf. Just one advise I must give you is that before you decide to file for divorce please have some plans set up. Where are you going to stay after the divorce, how's the schooling of the children, how are you going to get money for daily expenses, etc. Quite a lot to plan for. Good luck and take care.
DeleteDear Yellow Rose, thanks for blogging about this. Ive been looking for malaysian muslim who has the same problem as i am. But ive been only married for 4 years but been together for 7 years.. I have 2 kids and i somewhat feel that i am in an abusive relationship. Both physical ( not always) and all the time mental abused. I earned much more than him, therefore no nafkah for me. Im still married but never had the strength to file for divorce, thinking about the kids. I hvntreally got d time to read your previous post, but r u mentally abused as well?
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, same case as mine. My ex also never give me any nafkah because I work. He never asks whether I have eaten or if I have enough money to eat. He is also very abusive mentally. He speaks always with nada sinis, never say thank you, never say sorry, never say i love you. My ex was not physically abusive though. But if your husband is physically abusive and there is proof that he hurts you where there are visible bruises then you can report this to the police and don't forget to take pictures as well. This will be your evidence and you can use it when you file for divorce. If you don't have time to do research on how to file for a divorce, you can just appoint a lawyer to represent you and he will do everything for you. Of course you have to prepare the money. I used this route because I am working and have limited time. My lawyer also explains to me about all the queries I have in regards to the proceedings. Once you have decided that a divorce is the only solution, then you must start with a plan before you start filing for a divorce. Though, I do think that a divorce may not be a solution for everyone. Good luck to you and hope you will find peace and happiness.
DeleteDear anonymous and YellowRose, I am exactly in the same boat as yours. How are you now? Do we have support group for this..
DeleteHi, unfortunately I don't join any support group. Do you know of any support group for single moms in Klang Valley?
DeleteAssalam.may I know how much could be to pay a lawyer?I have married for 9 years, having 3 kids n plan to divorce...
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, appointing a lawyer will require RM1000 up front. Subsequently as your case goes through the divorce process, you will need to top up as and when your lawyer requested it. The more often you go or your lawyer go to the court on your behalf, the more fees you have to add. A divorce case may take longer for some. It is best if you have some money put aside just to cater for the lawyer fees.
DeleteMay Allah be with you during this difficult times.
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ReplyDeleteHi Reezqkhan, When you first appoint a lawyer to represent yourself, you already need RM1000. With this initial fee, the lawyer will open a case for you. Initially you need to bring all documents like surat nikah, surat beranak anak, your own IC and your hubby IC if you have a copy of it. All these will be photocopied and kept with your file. The lawyer will advise subsequent payment that you have to make. Please choose your lawyer properly as well. My first lawyer was not very helpful. My second one is much better and it is with him that I finally get the to finalized the divorce.
ReplyDeleteThe lawyer will try to understand your situation and will try and get the best route to channel your divorce request. If your husband has hit you and if there are bruises, it is best if you take a picture and lodge a police report. a police report makes this hitting incident a valid legal case and may help you to strengthen your divorce case. If you have receipts that shows indications that you are the one who pays for your child's expenses, you must keep that as well. Gather as much evidences as you can get - emails, sms-es, pictures, etc.
Actually, if you still want to save your marriage you can attend counseling first. You can register for counseling in public hospitals or you go to bangunan mahkamah syariah and find out there. I suggest you take a day or two off from work and visit mahkamah syariah if you want to try to save your marriage first.
Dear YellowRose.. I admire your courage & patience in going thru all d process for divorce. I myself are thinking on filing for a divorce. But as you've said. We need planning & enough money. I was married for 15yrs. Recently i found out that my husband got married again in Thailand. He was having an affair with the same woman 3yrs ago. He lied to me by saying that the affair was over. But Allah maha besar & He shows me with the truth. I was devastated, hurt and only Allah know how & what i've been through. In fact, to tell the truth, dia memang tak layak utk kawin lagi. Hutang byk & he blames me for that, anak bini yg ada pun tak blh nak didik betul2, duit blanja kedekut. For me, this is the last & final draw frm him. Lately, after i found out the truth, kami selalu gaduh. For him, apa yg dia buat semua betul, dia mampu & layak utk kawin lagi. Thats what he says. When i asked fr divorce, dia tak bagi. I told him, i cannot live with him anymore. I dont trust him, im not happy, i dont respect him & i dah tawar hati & i tak redha dgn apa yg dia dh buat pd i & anak2. But he still refuses to let me go. In fact, dia underestimate me & slalu kata dgn nada sinis, if i nk cerai pergi lah. InsyaAllah, i will do it. My children & I are better off without him..& its always been just d 4 of us pun.. Dia bkn nk ambik tahu hal anak2. In fact he blames me kata yg i hasut anak2 to hate him. MasyaAllah. Our kids dh besar. 14,10 & 8 yrs old. Dorang dh blh fikir sndri. Tengok perangai bapak, they understand. I dont need to brainwash them or watever as my husband accused me of doing. Right now, i got my strength frm my children & doa to Allah to go on with my life. I cant afford a lawyer now. I plan to blajar jahit, in 1-2 yrs time, insyaAllah if my financial are stable enough, i will proceed wit d divorce. Yes, all these needs planning. I pray & hope dat i will have d strength & patience to endure another year or two still being married to him.
ReplyDeleteHi, stay strong. I am sad that there are many wife being mistreated. Memang kalau suami nak ceraikan isteri sangat senang sebab kuasa tu ader pada pihak suami. Mereka jadi ego sebab Allah berikan kuasa tu pada mereka. Tapi dalam Islam, pihak isteri juga ada hak untuk meminta cerai jika kita tidak dibela dan dijaga sebagai seorang isteri. Tapi proses ini agak panjang dan tidak mudah. Jadi bersabar dan berdoalah banyak-banyak. Good luck and may Allah will always be with you to protect you and your children from from further mistreatment and sadness...
DeleteAssalam,same problem here...husband is a very good person,just i cant stand him doesnt give nafkah to me and our two children...and he has lots of debts which he gets from main nombor ekor...already asks and begs him to change but its useless...weve been married for 4 years but been together almost 10 years....thinking about getting a divorce...should i?and he always lies about things,small little things...and i cant stand it being lied all the time...what should i do?i want a divorce sincei dont want to be in this pathetic relationship...in fact theres no sparks between us...he doesnt hold my hand anymore,doesnt say i love you,we dont cuddle anymore,dont know what to do...pls advice
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, berjudi adalah haram di sisi Islam. This is a very good reason to seek for a divorce. He is not setting a good example to his children. Please gather all evidences - like the nombor ekor slip. Also, if he wins, the money is haram. You cannot feed your children with duit haram. Duit yang haram akan jadi darah daging anak-anak dan mungkin boleh menyebabkan hati anak-anak keras dan susah untuk beribadat kepada Allah. Adalah menjadi tanggungjawab ibu bapa memberi makan makanan dari sumber yang halal kepada anak-anak. You may want to go for counselling first. Perhaps the counsellor can give some advise to your husband and pray that it is not too late for him to change. You can go to pejabat agama and register to have counselling for yourself and husband. Good luck and may Allah gives you a lot of strength to be in the path of Allah...
DeleteDoes is necessary to appoint a lawyer as to seek for divorce? Or it's a must? Is there any other way for that?
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous, it is not necessary to appoint a lawyer. If you are going to do it on your own, I do suggest that you spent at least a day at the pejabat agama to find what are the routes that you can take to file for a divorce. The reason why many ladies go through un-necessary lengthy process because they do not understand the process. They choose the wrong path and then have to start the process over again. Good luck. Perhaps you can share with us your experience later. Thank you for reading my blog.
DeleteHave been heard about biro bantuan guaman. Does this help the poor wives, compared to the professional lawyer?
ReplyDeleteSalam Anonymous. No I have not heard of Biro Bantuan Guaman. Do you have experience using their services? Would you like to share your stories after using their services? You can submit your story to me and I will publish and give you the credit. Thank you for stopping by my blog.
DeleteSalam yellow rose and everyone. I came across ur blog by chance when i was googling about single mother. It was surprise to realize that there are in fact a lot of women out there who face hard life. I myself were facing the same issue but alhamdullilah it has been 6 months since i settlle my divorce case. I am willing to share some experience in the hope that someone out there will get some benefits out of it. Thanks again yellow rose for sharing part of ur journey. It almost makes me cry when i read about your hadanah story. Be strong okay. wsalam.
ReplyDeleteSalam La Tahzan. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I wish I can allocate more time to write it. Would you like to share your experience on my blog? You can send the article to me like how you give this comment. I will moderate it and will publish it. I will of course give you the credit for your writing. Thank you for encouraging words. I hope Allah gives you strength in your journey as well.
Deletesalam al tahzan,im going through almost the same..i need advises
Deleteif u dun mind to email me
isla_rahman@yahoo.com tq
Hi la tahzan & All,
DeleteI'm also one of single mother who was treated badly and chased me out by husband and fmly in law when i was 4 months pregnant. That group of ppl threaten kill me and baby if i come back home.. Could u share me what kind of punishment will the court order for these type of people if you have any info? Or any kebajikan i can look for help? Please assist.
Hi Anonymous, if you have been abused you must make a police report. If you have bruises to show, you must photograph it. These are all evidences that can be used later on. On punishment in our law for these type of people I do not have the information. Perhaps other people on the internet may have information to help you.
DeleteSalam, im a huband n father of 4 kids. women are unic. After read all the stories its help me to understand more about my wife n my family. Credits to all. I have been married for 16 years. Since my mariage I work hard for my family. I work 16 hrs a day including part time job. I do this coz I dont want to use my wife money to pay all the expenses. Even she had higher pay than me I always give duit makan everyday. I also help her with hse work. All the hard work like cuci bilik air n mop I do. without my part time I only earning 4k a month but with my part time 8 can earn 10 k a month. This money I used to give my mom, for food, schooling, tuition, duit pampers, duit orang gaji,facilities bills n my wife need. Imagine after 7 years mariage only my wife want to spend her money for duit dapur. Now I feel very tired n I dont want to work hard any more..I want my freedom too.my problems is she always going out station n make me feel lonely. even when my kid having PMR n UPSR she not arround. Im very loving person. I kiss n huge my wife every day b4 she or im going to work.i do celebrate my anniversary n her birthday. I always b passion coz I love my family. Coz she always busy n hav limited timettime for me she make me thought to marry another women. Is it wrong ? I only thought of it coz I have no calon yet. My azam next year is to reduce my working hours n b with my kids since my wife not always at home...honestly I want to ask to women out there..actually b4 i marriedmy wife she have boyfriend for 8 years. When I married her she not dara any more. But after I ask she just crying n no words come out. For me let by gone b by gone..even my heart bit scratch...the purpose I tell this is just wondering if my wife having affair..is it possible ? How tol know if she having affair without she relize. Any one of you can help me..
ReplyDeleteDear Mr Anonymous, congratulations for being a good husband. It sure is difficult to find one. I don't think I can help you to find out whether your wife is having an affair or not. Perhaps you should hire a private investigator. I wish you all the luck in your marriage. Actually a second marriage could bring more trouble than solution. If you cannot handle one wife, do you think you can handle two wives. Sorry, just my 2 cents worth of opinion. May Allah helps you and your wife to stay true and happy together hingga ke syurga.
ReplyDeleteHi yellow rose..i'm having same problem like you but i only got married coming to three years..recently i caught him did something behind my back and it's even worse now i'm pregnant 9 months second child and will due anytime from now..i'm thinking to get divorce after give birth...i did told him my thought of this and he just silent..i dont know where to begin now..probably i need to draft a plan details to really proceed with divorce stage..i will try to contact your 2nd lawyer after this..wish me luck
ReplyDeleteSalam All, I just need a shoulder to cry on and i've found this blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear mentally and emotionally strong women out there esp those who are facing this situation. While i'm having the same problem, i yet to have guts to file for divorce considering my 3 lovely children age 9, 8 & 3. By rite i can live on my own as i have great job & earn far more than him. My friends always think that i have a happy family and i potray a lovely wife, mother. Yes, so far i can hide and pretend very well even in front of parents/ in-laws. But i do not know until when. Few months ago, my mom received a divorce news from my eldest brother. She cried very badly and claimed that this never happen in the 1st & 2nd generations of the family history. For now, prayer, children and tears are all i have. May Allah guide us well. Happy mothers' days to all.
Salam , how is your case? Already settle? How long was the whole process after you appoint Ustaz Amir. I am planning to seek divorce from my hubby. For me i dont have to wait long to see my hubby's true colour. The whole 9 months I was pregnant he was with me less than 20 days. To make things worst my pregnancy was not smooth coz I had health issues. I was suffering from irregular heart beat and attack strike anytime. He doesn't even care if I loose the baby. Even after the baby was born he doesnt change much.. Come an goes as he like.. my hubby reason is his mom needs him and is alone. Though this is not true coz his brother and wife as well as maid stayed with his mom. His mom is also still very independent and capable. Still continue doing her 'jahit manik' biz and sometimes do small catering. She can even cook for 200 pax all by herself. The problem with my hubby is he can't say no to his mom. Mom calls him everyday. When he stayed with me and baby more than two days, mom will call and say to him 'dah lupakan mak ke, tak nak balik ke, tak kasihan mak,..' all this while crying and this will make my hubby to turn into different person.. it has been going on like this from the day one i marry him ....there are times my hubby is missing for more than 1 week...baby still 7 months yet hubby prefers to take of his mom... my needs are zero to him..... if I am sick he doesn't care or never ask once if I have recover. Nafkah tak pernah bagi.. I don't think going on like this is good for both of us. We wont have 'berkat' marriage..I just hope I have the strength like all the abused women out there to stay strong while the penceraian goes thru.. every time I look at my baby I feel guilty as if I chosen a wrong dad for him. He missed his daddy he showed with his actions ..and this tears me apart ..
ReplyDeleteHi, it took Ustaz Amir less than 6 months to get me my divorced. Good luck in yours. You have to help Ustaz Amir too. You must gather all evidences that shows your husband has not carry out his husbandly duties according to Islam. I am a bit bitter, but I believe men who are not ready to be husbands should really don't get married. They make our life as a wife miserable to the max.
ReplyDeleteSalam to all. Im a husband in dilemma and this is a true story. Me and my wife have been married for nearly 4 years. Recently she demanded for me to divorce her. She admits that I have never did anything wrong to her, everything is sufficient but the only thing is she never love me from the very beginning.
ReplyDeleteLooking back at the past and on, I provided everything according to her own need and will but still she insist on breaking up the relationship on the ground of 'no love, no happiness'. I tried every way because I believe that there is still hope and the process involve of few trips overseas and so many more just to find the chemistry between us. But all are failure because she still feel the same towards me.
We first met each other on our own arrangement but towards the end of bf/gf relationship there is a slight push from her family to rush this marriage. At that moment i didnt know that she was only following her family desire, just to please her parents and everybody else. I first come to know about her feeling towards me when after few weeks of marriage she refuse to have sex with me. After thorough communication, she admits she doesnt love me from the very beginning. She was 22 at the time of marriage and I understood. We dont have any children.
So now here I am, reading the process of dissolution on single mom blog but I havent decide anything yet. May Allah guide me through this and ease my problem. TQ for the info.
hai yellowrose im also like u
ReplyDeletemy husband is a very good husband..all compleete..except that...no sex at all....no nafkh batin...since married until now alredy 3yrs.....now i nekad n in process for divorcing
You're lucky because you dont have any children so you don't have excess bagage. If you really get your divorce, you are really like a new woman. I really dont understand men, if they dont want us, just let us go why let us make accumulate so much dosa. I consider these type of men cruel and self-centered because he only think of himself. Good luck.
DeleteHi, I've problem but not same like u guys. My husband is mualaf, he a good person no drinking, no smoke, no clubbing n no kaki Judi. We married been 2years n have 1 child n 1 baby is coming soon. I am a housewife.
ReplyDeleteWe always argue n fight almost every day bcoz of misunderstanding each other. He act he smart n know everything, while he do mistake always. He don't teach my child until I said I the one teaching him everything since he small and my child not close to his daddy also. I know it's tough for me to build a mualaf. Also he won't follow the islam. Coz he say he believe in God. He did give Nafkah to us paid for my schooling n our shopping.
But for me everything is not give me a Happiness.. I felt my life is empty, I don't feel love, I don't feel a happiness into myself.. I'm really tired, I always asking him for divorce. But He won't leave me. I've mentallty emotional by him every day.. I pray to God tunjuk jln yg benar. Should I continue with this all?? What should I do? I don't know how the real marrige life feel like.. ��
Dear, you have common problems where small things that happens accumulates to become so big that makes us wife thinks of divorce. Doesn't men knows that if they dont resolve these small small problems, it accumulates to become a big mountain and at that time there is nothing they can do to soothe the wife. May I propose that you and your husband go to a marriage councellor first? I know at Pudu Raya UTC. There is an office that can give councelling but I don't know if they charge fees. I am sure it is just minimal because UTC (Pusat Transformasi Bandar) is supposed to help the rakyat (citizens). Good luck. I hope you can persuade your husband.
DeleteDear all strong women here,
ReplyDeleteI have been enduring my husband's act of rage and mentally abuse on me and my children for almost 9 years. He is a nice chap but whenever his emotion is out of control, he can almost kill me especially when he is driving of which it is so reckless.
We have 4 children aged from 8 until 7 months. I have attempted several times to ask a divorce from him, but he turns out to be more violent on us. He would throw things away, kick anything he could reach and whack my children in order to make me suffer looking at those acts.
I really want to start anew without him. But, DIVORCE needs a good plan including our children's welfare, financial planning after divorce etc.
None of my family or friends know about this.
I am currently strategising and waiting for the right time to take action. At the mean time, I really need to preservere and endure his rage. If you guys are experiencing almost the same thing with me, do strategise from now. Dont let our emotion take over over our decision.
I learn that putting trust in Allah and telling things to HIM would make us feel much better in the time of sorrow. Be strong women out there!
Thank you. You stay strong too and always put safety and health of you and your children the priority among other things.
Deletekindly advise how much is you total cost for the lawyer?
ReplyDeleteHi Pim, the initial payment is RM1000. Subsequent payment will be adviced by the lawyer. You do have to have a little bit of savings for this. Good luck.
DeletePlease advise the total cost of the lawyer?
ReplyDeleteIt is between RM5K - RM6K, Pim.
ReplyDeleteAssalamualaikum, I came across this space as I was searching abt divorce process. Bcoz it never happened in our family, when my uncle made decision to end his marriage, I realised some spouses are quite ignorant.
ReplyDeleteReally it is worth it to observe how some couple can live happily until death separated them. Of course SYAITAN is the main culprit sometime especially when we are weak in iman and lacking in ilmu, jauh dari Quran. The greatest achievement for syaitan is when it can influence we human - syirik kpd Allah amd secondly to cause husband and wife to divorce.
Reminding myself too, we must remember our husband is not malaikat and we are not bidadari syurga. Nobody is perfect. (Maybe kuliah Dr Syafiq Riza Basalamah - andainya aku tidak menikahi dia..can help..)
Sebenarnya the marriage is ladang pahala for us. Yet many of us find their marriage is like a prison, worse, hell for some. Have we read abt Rasulullah's marriage life? So sweet and beautiful. Who else can be our role model if not Rasulullah?
Of course if there is no more love, compassion etc, Islam allows divorce. But before that have we done enough to make the marriage work? Dont expect perfection! Do simple things like solat together. Eat together. These 2 things can strengthen the bonding between the husband and wife. Preferably the wife or the husband do the cooking, bukan makan luar. The wonder of air tangan...our parents, tok nenek dulu dulu kekal bahagia sampai mati.
Waalaikumsalam, do you know if my ex were like Rasulullah or if all Muslim husbands act and follow how Rasulullah manage the home, there will be no divorce in the muslim world. Do you know my ex doesn't even want to sembahyang berjamaah together although I have requested it? Trust me, if the muslim husband act like how a muslim husband should be, like a Khalifah in the home, there will be no divorce. When a man doesn't act like a khalifah, doesn't he know that he is already not following Islam. Perhaps I should give you my real life example how the muslim man I know doesn't follow the teachings of Islam? Are you trying to tell us muslim ladies, that we are not good muslim ladies? Maybe most of us Muslim are not perfect, but our ex-es are event worst that's why we had to seek for divorce to stop the heart ache, the heartwrenching sadness the Muslim husbands out there purposely imposed on us. I purposely tidak membuka pekong di dada to cover the flaws of the Malay Muslim men. Do you want to hear the horrid stories done by the Malay Muslim husbands? Be careful what you ask for, as you yourself may not even imagine how some Malay Muslim men who are born muslim, raised as a Muslim can act real stupid (sorry to say).
DeleteYellowRose, totally agree wit you. No ladies wanted to get divorce if husband manage their responsibility as well. Even myself did cooking almost everyday rush to kitchen after get back from office. But my husband never appreciate me and recently he had hit me 2 times. I've done lodge with police report and medical checkup and want to proceed with fasakh.
DeleteI have just started a blog on my recent divorce process. Do drop by.
Deletejourneytowardshappyness.blogspot.my
Salam wa rahmah YellowRose and to all. Just wanted to share my thoughts. I am agree that marriage in Islam should follow steps from the role model of Rasulullah SAW and his beloved noble wife Khadijah. Marriage requires two people to cooperate, to be responsible, to give in and take, to respect and love each other. The purpose of marriage in Islam will never be a success if a party neglected on his/her responsibility. Bak kata pepatah, bertepuk sebelah tangan tak kan berbunyi. If only one person is trying her/his best to save the marriage but their spouse is not, do you still think it will be a success? Trust me, it won't work on one person only. It will also set a bad example and confusion to the children while they are still growing up.
ReplyDeleteYes for sure we humans do make mistakes but in Islam we also have been taught that we must try our best not to repeat the mistakes and try to be better than yesterday. Because Allah SWT has given us Akal. But I would be agree there are times when our prayers, our endlless efforts are still not enough to soften our spouse cold hearted as long as he/she didn't allowed us to do so.
Marriage must involved by both husband and wife in order to live mawaddah, warahmah and sakinah. Most of the stories I have read here have a similarity which is they still holding on to their marriage more than a few years and yet their spouse still hasn't changed at all. Bukankah dalam Islam juga mengajar, jangan biarkan diri dianiaya? So if divorce is the better solution, from my opinion Allah surely knows better because Allah SWT Maha Adil and Maha Pengasihani..Maha Suci Allah, Dia tidak akan menzalimi hamba2-Nya melainkan manusia itu sendiri berbuat zalim.
My prayers and best wishes for all the strong single moms here.. Illahi Ameen..
Hi Anonymous, I agree with you a 100%. I decide to take the path of being separated from my ex-husband because I don't think Allah wants me to live my whole entire life on earth being sad and torturous. I salute all the brave wife and moms out there that are still holding on to their marriage however badly they are being treated. Indeed, Allah has prepare the hell fire and jannah for His servants. Allah will definitely gives you rewards in terms of pahala and dosa. So if you believe you are doing good deeds by holding on to the troubled marriage, then go ahead. Do it for Allah as Allah will reward you. Allah knows your good heart and will pay you back handsomely. Be strong my fellow sisters but please don't condemn the rest of us who doesn't have as good a heart as yours. We follow our path and you follow yours. May we meet in Jannah....
DeleteAssalamualaikum yellow rose..
ReplyDeleteI've come across your blog after googling about proses cerai in malaysia. I never thought that a lot of women are in the same situation as my mum.Allow me to write in Malay.
Usia rumahtangga ibubapa sy sdah menjangkau 28 tahun. Masalah yg sama spt cik yellow rose, nafkah. Ibu sy yg sebelum ni bekerja terpaksa menanggung kehidupan seharian kami sekeluarga. Tp malangnya setelah bandar tempat kami tinggal diuji musibah banjir, tempat ibu sy bekerja ditutup. Setahun sudah tidak bekerja, ibu mengharapkan bapa sy lebih bertggjwb, memandangkan tiada ssiapa lgi bekerja didlm rumah. Utk pengetahun yellow rose , bapa sy bekerja sbg tukang rumah..kdg2 bapa sy ambik penumpang (prebet sapu)..bila kami mta wang, byk alasan diberi antaranya tiada permntaan kerja tukang rumah.iye sy fhm kerja tkg rumah mmg ikt demand..tp sy tgk ada je jiran kami sentiasa ada kerja. I hate to see my mum keep on thinking on how to manage our financial. Can u imagine that my dad only give rm 10 for a week??? Hello nasi bungkus pun dah berapa sebungkus.
My mum even had to 'gadai' all of her jeweleries. I had to see my mum s crying.
Apa yang menyedihkan sy lagi sikap bapa sy yg bengis, tk pernah hiraukan perasaan orang lain,selfish. Selama yg sy igt, sy tk pernah selamat bila bapa sy ada di rumah. I don't feel happy. I hate to say that i hate him (sy thu jatuh anak derhaka).
Today they have a big fight. My mum said let s go to pejabat agama to settle everything. Saya tahu dah lama ibu sy pendamkan segalanya.
* utk pengetahuan cik,Alhamdulillah sy bru tamat pengajian dlm bdg perubatan dan InsyaAllah akan mula bekerja bulan depan. And i alway said to my mum be patient, InsyaAllah lepas ni dia tk perlu fkrkan masalah kwgan lgi.
Orked putih
Salam. Today i hv decided to dtart collecting evidence for divorce. Today i came across this blog. Just now my husb msg me that tomorrow he is going to jais to get the form..dont exactly know what he means..do the man need to fill up form on his own to divorce the wife? He can actually asks me to go along lafaz n thats it right. Was he just threatening me.?He always throws words around. I never trust whst he says.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, how u clarify each step for. That procedure was good. U give them information to defend their rights. But when it come to detailing what happen between u n ur husband, is that good? Same goes to the other that telling their situation in detail. Seems that islam is being liberal than radical.. Keep the situation that happen in lawyer file or in court.Can we call it aib.... Huh
ReplyDeleteSalam to all..may we all be bless by Allah.i have been wronged by husband,being hits and never been given any nafkah zahir..i have one locely daughter 2 years..my fear is that..if i proceed..will she be a victim??if i dont..will she end up being a wife exactly like me??
ReplyDeleteWaalaikumsalam Unknown... one ponders often on which decision to make. Take your time in making your decision but make one. Until you decide on the path you want to take, nothing will change in your life. It will be there stagnant. once you have decided, don't regret your decision - fine-tune it along the way. making decision is difficult. Many lives their life following others because they are scared to make decision. Be a follower or be a leader - you make your own choices. If you are a follower, then don't blame the person you follow because to follow was your very own decision...
ReplyDeleteSalam anti liberalisation, thank you for stopping by and giving your opinion. I wish you will take the stories in this blog as pengajaran. Many of us do not have people to talk to. Everyone has remained anonymous. The stories tell other ladies that they are not alone. Many are experiencing the difficult life they are also going through... You must come from a very loving and supportive family so you do not need help... but many of us do and it helps us ease our pain when we tell our stories. Aib - it should be the malay men that feels ashamed for calling themselves a Muslim man but couldn't even protect their women and children. Instead, they use the wife's money and resources and torture her and feels satisfied doing so... if you, Muslim Men out there, thinks you are a true Muslim Men, protect the women and the children and the less fortunate. Work hard and earn halal money for your family so that your family will be a blessed family by Allah... stop condemning us, for we do no harm... If our Muslim men protect us and didn't put us in this situation, will we even need to voice out our unhappiness, our concerns and our dire situations...
ReplyDelete